Hello there, I’m David(: I live in Massachusetts and I was born November 10th 1996. I have an older brother and younger sister. My family is pretty normal. My parents are still together and do love each, they didn’t abuse me, their not alcoholics. Everything is normal, except for me. I didn’t have a particularly difficult childhood, I mean I never really had friends, except for the families with kids the same age as me, so I wasn’t really an outcast.
When I was little my brother used to beat me up. And it used to happen a lot. He’s always been really strong and stuff so he’s just always had an advantage. It wasn’t like abuse where he would break my bones and send me to the hospital. He’s only two years older than me, but he would still beat me up. If I ever did even the slightest thing to annoy him, I could expect a punch to the stomach. When I say annoy, I mean my 10-year-old self being bored and poking him once or twice, and him automatically telling me to stop by punching me. It was always like that, and it always has been. He doesn’t do it anymore, but that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt. I’ve had countless bruises on my arms from him, but things are much better now.
When I was in fifth grade I started at a new school. It was much bigger than my other school and I only knew one other person going into it, a family friend of mine. I had a really hard time making friends and, really didn’t make friends at all. Fifth grade wasn’t that bad for the majority of the year but I was bullied. A lot. I really didn’t like it. Sixth grade came and the bullying continued. It was all verbal, kids calling me a fat loser or gay fag. Only once was it physical where a 8th grader(while I was in 6th grade) shoved me into a wall and cut up my face, but I was okay. I really hated it there. I made my first friends in sixth grade, out side of school, who went to my towns public school. The summer going into seventh grade I made more friends and eventually had a whole group of people from the town I live in. School started again and I really did not want it to. It was barely even the first day of seventh grade when the bullying continued. I had a girlfriend the summer before and she broke up with me just before school started, so that really didn’t help either. The next couple of months went by normally. I was bullied and I tried to ignore it and I fought with my parents and I hung out with friends.
But it all changed December 24th, 2009. That was the first time I cut myself. The night before Christmas. I was absolutely miserable. Just days after I started cutting, my parents found out and I had a huge talk with my mom and I told her why. It was mostly because of school, because of the bullying. My parents got me a therapist and I was diagnosed with depression. This was January 2010. The rest of the school year went by, I continued to cut, I told some of my friends, and the bullying continued. In May of 2010 I was dealing with a hard break up and the continued bullying. I felt there was nothing left, and attempted to take my own life. I remember, the entire week before I attempted suicide, I had been overdosing on Advil, sleeping pill, Tums, and gummy vites. On Sunday, May 16th, 2010, I took 16 Advils, hoping that the next morning I would not wake up. When I did wake up the next morning I felt like shit. I did my normal before school routine and almost fainted. I told my parents I was sick and couldn’t go to school, but they insisted that I did. They had me take an Advil, and I reluctantly did. After maybe five minutes of me refusing to go to school I told them why. Of course they freaked up. I spent the rest of the day sleeping and I had a meeting with my therapist.
The school year ended and it was finally summer, but summer sucked. One of the kids I used to be very close with was at my camp, with a bunch of my other friends, and he changed. He changed a lot. I hated him a lot, and I still hate him. He ruined that summer for me. All the friends I had at that camp turned against me, and I was miserable. Imagine leaving hell, then two weeks later going strait back there.
At this time I also developed a lot of insecurities. I remember once when I visited my cousins in Wisconsin, I was trying to eat only one meal a day because I thought I was fat. This was the spring of fifth grade, so that first year of bullying was what made me think that. So summer of 2010 I was trying really hard to loose weight and I thought really poorly of myself. By this time my parents thought I was okay, but I wasn’t.
Summer ended and in eighth grade I started at my towns public middle school, this was September 2010. I liked it. I liked it a lot. I had friends and even though there was dooshy kids who made fun of people, it wasn’t anything close to my old school. I should have been happy. But I wasn’t.
My parents think the last time I cut was June of 2010. That’s entirely wrong. My last year of middle school I was pretty miserable because of my insecurities. I admit I was happy because of the school change, but in the first few months of school all of my friends turned on me. I had only one friend, and I’m not exaggerating. She was the only person I talked to, the only person I would text, the only person who I hung out with. Winter passed and 2011 came. In January of 2011 I found a new group of friends. One of my ex-girlfriends who I still loved at the time and hated me until this time became really close friends with me. I joined her and her boyfriends group and really was happy-ish. At least I had a good group of friends. I was still cutting, but only every couple of months, when I would slip up. The last time I cut was May, I think. I’m still really insecure and have literally zero self-confidence.
I still suffer from depression, and I take things one day at a time. I try to be happy, but it really is very had. The bullying from my old school really scarred me. Because of it I take everything people say about me seriously. Words hurt just as much as actions.